I grew up with a pretty fucked idea of feminine attractiveness. You know, pretty women are needy women. They’re damsels in distress, like Cinderella and Rapunzel. They’re damaged, like the women in Tori Amos songs, or the Suicide Girls. That’s what makes them so fascinating and addictive, right?

When I started dancing, this was what I tried to portray. I was the fucked up victim. I hated myself. I needed men to save me.

And it sold. I almost sold myself on it, and that was fucked up enough to make me stop dancing for a while.

Eventually I was getting really tired of playing the victim. It was the “you’re beautiful” thing that got to me the most, eventually. You know, where they try to convince you how beautiful you are, as if it goes without saying that you hate yourself and think you’re ugly. But of course they’d think that, that’s the role I was playing.

So I decided to start nipping that in the bud. I figured confidence wasn’t so sexy and probably my earnings would suffer, but I was going to do it anyways. I was nervous when I started. They’d say I was beautiful and I’d say “thanks, I was born that way,” or just, “yeah, I know,” followed by a little giggle so they’d think I was halfway joking.

Posted on May 21st, 2009 by Chloe  |  1 Comment »

In the long term there’s a lot of stuff you’ll want to know about selling psychology, make-up, outfits, money management, etc. But your first night you might as well just jump in – if you knew that stuff now you wouldn’t really have the schema to integrate it into anyways. For now you just need to know how to make some money and avoid drama. Remember, these things vary a lot from club to club, so this is very general.

You’re probably really nervous about stage dancing, but in most places stage is the least important part . All you need to do on stage is move slowly and confidently (comes back to confidence again). Make eye contact with the customers and make sure you know what the tipping customs for your club are so that you can maximise your tips

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s focus on the important parts.

The important thing you’ll need as a lap dancer is the ability to set and enforce boundaries. If you can’t do this, don’t even think of being a stripper (on the other hand, if you’re a concious learner, stripping will teach you boundaries like nothing else can). Understand that people are often going to want more from you than you want to give them. You also need to understand that wanting to have sex with you isn’t a predatory thing, it’s just a want. If you feel like you’ve been assaulted every time someone wants to have sex with you you are going to be totally traumatised by dancing. Most of the time they’re asking because other girls at your club or a club they’ve been to have offered sex or they’ve read about it on the internet, or because hope springs eternal and you are naked in their lap. Usually you say no and that’s the end of it. But sometimes (and again, this varies regionally) they’ll keep pressing or try to manipulate you.

As a new dancer, I recommend that you find out what your club rules are (for example: no touching during lap dances, outer thigh/back touching only during champagne rooms) and give a long thought to your personal boundaries. Decide exactly what you will and won’t do, and then stick to that. Once you’ve been dancing for a few months you can have more flexible boundaries. For example, you might dance for a sweet guy whose hand’s you really wouldn’t mind on your boobs, and he might offer you an extra hundred to let him touch your boobs. Twenty minutes later you might be dancing for a rude, grabby guy who demands to grab your boobs or offers you a good tip. These waters can be tricky, so unless you’re very in touch with yourself and confident just set some static boundaries and stick with them for a long time.

The number two most important skill you’ll need is selling. In most clubs you won’t any money on stage. It all comes from lap dances (at the beginning of the night, ask the housemom/manager/nice girl in the dressing room if someone can show you how to do a lapdance). This is why there are so many really incredible performers who make hardly any money. You’ll want to work the entire room. Unless it’s really slow, do not sit with one guy for more than one or two songs. Sit down and introduce yourself, then ask what they’ve done that day, if they’ve been here before, where they’re from, what they do for fun, etc. Try to keep it light and look for a topic that’ll allow you to develop some rapport. After a minute or two, bring the conversation back to the dance. Don’t say, “Do you want a dance.” Say, “I’m ready to dance for you now” or, “Let’s go play.” A confident statement, not an open ended question.

If it’s really busy, don’t even bother sitting down to talk to them. You can use a total hit and run hustle. Just say, “Hi, I’m and I want to play with you in the VIP/private room.” Yes = “lets go.” No = NEXT! “Hi, I’m let’s go play in the VIP.”Once you’ve got them back to the lapdance/VIP area, or if you’re doing the lapdance right there where they’ve been sitting, sit down and cross your legs over theirs sexily and say, “it’s £xx, and we’ll wait for the next song, okay?” If that doesn’t prompt them to pay you, tell them you need to collect first, then smile and add “business before pleasure.” A lot of guys will resist paying first, but as a new dancer you need to get your money up front most of the time at least for the first few days. A lot of times if they are resistant to paying first I’ll tell them that I’m throwing in the rest of the current song for free, and as soon as they pay me we can get started.Whatever the contact norms are at your club, start out slow. Make lots of eye contact, arch your back and make sexy faces, play with their hair at the back of their neck, drag your fingernails along their arm or chest, that kind of thing. Take your clothes off slowly and gracefully, and work up to the more intense parts of the dance. At the end of the song you should be in your sexiest position. Don’t stop dancing. Lean into their ear and whisper, “You don’t want me to stop, do you?” Of course they don’t. If they say yes, try again. It’s a lot easier to sell this guy a second and third and fourth dance than to go find an entirely new guy. Say things like, “I’m not done with you yet.” “I was just getting started.” “I don’t want to stop now.” etc. When he paid you for your first dance you got a peek in his wallet, so you know how much more he can afford. Wait and charge him at the end, or every five dances.

Then repeat, over and over and over again. Try to sell around 20 dances a night, 10 in a slow club.

Then there are random little things you’ll need to know.

The Drink Hustle: Some clubs want you to sell drinks. Occasionally you get a drink commission, occasionally there is a drink quota, and occasionally they don’t give a shit at all. If they want you to sell drinks, just talk to the bartender and ask her to fake yours (a great one is a sea breeze – sprite instead of vodka). You don’t need to get drunk at work and especially not on your first night. If you find yourself having to down a bottle of Champagne, take small sips and keep refilling your customers glass. Dump yours in the ice bucket when he’s not looking, or if you hold your glass at an angle over the ice bucket with the stem down in the bucket a little ways and overfill the spillage won’t be noticable. It sucks to be dishonest, but you really can’t have 20-30 mixed drinks a night, it’s just not healthy.

Customers: Sometimes they’ll be great, and sometimes they’ll be awful. Either way take it for what it is in the moment and then leave it behind. I swear I meet my soulmate at least four or five times a night, but I’ve learned not to take it seriously. Likewise, I mostly ignore the assholes, too.

House/Stage fee: Ask if your first night is free, but expect to pay a flat fee or a percentage of dances at the end of the night.

Eating: Bring some trail mix or a protein bar or whatever you’re inclined to eat in the middle of the night. Don’t think you won’t be hungry, dancing will make you ravenous.

Talking to other strippers: Just say no to drama! Be pleasant, be superficial, be a little aloof so they know you can’t be fucked with, and get your ass out of the dressing room and start making money.

Leaving: Make sure a bouncer walks you out to your car. Pay attention so you’ll know if you’re being followed.

Posted on May 21st, 2009 by Chloe  |  No Comments »

How to Become a Stripper

The first thing you need to understand about becoming a lapdancer is that Lap dancing clubs are as varied as restaurants.

There’s Pubs, and there’s five star Italian places, and there’s everything in between. There are strip clubs with no lap dances, air dances, stage dancing only, lap dancing only, asshole managers, sweet managers, ass grabbin’ DJ’s, sexual harassment policies and professional staff, lap dances on the floor, lap dances in private booths, . No one a million miles away on the internet can tell you what to expect at your local clubs, not even me.

But I will tell you what I can tell you.

Steps

1. Find out if this is really what you want to do. You can expect to make up to £500 during a day shift or up to £1000 on night shift. Even the worst dancer can make £50 a day. A disadvantage is that the job is based a lot on looks but you don’t have to look like a supermodel if you have a great personality. Also, this job involves strangers touching you and watching you with nothing on.
2. Find clubs you’re interested in working in. Make sure you know what kind of club you’re going to be auditioning for; go there as a customer. Find out the rules although some clubs lets some rules slip. Ask about tips and make sure you’re okay forking upto 50% of your hard earned cash.
3. Assemble an audition outfit. Heels should be at least 3″, preferably 5″. Wear a thong, the skimpier the better, just make sure you’re all in there. Top it off with some sort of lingerie or a real dance costume. Just make sure whatever it is, it’s easy to get off over heels. You can find stripper-wear in catalogues or at porn stores. When you scope out the club, the other dancers will tell you where you get the stuff you need.
4. Practice what you’re going to do on stage in your new shoes. Break in your shoes in the process too. Having a mirror or a video recorder will help you see what you look like. Don’t do any pole tricks! You can’t really practice them and most likely what you try to do will not be sexy. You will learn them in time. Practice dancing to 3 songs: 1 fast, 2 medium, 3 slow but none of them boring. And think about your dancer name too.
5. Develop your persona. When you are there, you are the confident stripper Sarah or Angela, etc. It’s not you, it’s a job. Pick up a stage-name and go with it.
6. Bring your outfit in a bag or case and go to the club and say you want to dance. Make sure you have some ID saying you’re over 18, or whatever the age is required to be.

You’re probably worried about your body. If you’re like other girls you’re worried that you aren’t skinny enough, your scars or stretchmarks will look bad, etc. Don’t worry. As long as you are (or look) biologically female and healthy, you’re fine. Of course, standards vary geographically too. In the rural pubs you can be overweight and missing half your teeth and people will love to see you naked.

At the more upscale clubs in London, you better have a low body fat percentage, manicure, pedicure, well styled hair, and good make up. However, even if you are thirty pounds overweight and missing half your teeth you should be able to find a club in London that will hire you.

The body basics: Do what you can to be in good shape. Eating disorders are not necessary for strip club success, just try to have some good muscle tone and not too much pudge.

Shave your pussy: you can shave it bare, leave a landing strip, make a heart of hair, or whatever. Just make it look well groomed. If this is your first pudenda shaving experience, get in the bathtub with some baby oil and soak for a while, then shave under water with a fresh triple blade razor (I like the Mach3).
Shave your armpits and your legs. Do something with your fingernails and toenails – just clear polish is enough for most places. Style your hair attractively. Long straight or wavy hair is most popular, but I’ve seen mohawks in tittie bars before – if you have an unusual look, you just need to know your market. Make up: the club is dark, so you need to do your make up more dramatically than you would in real life – use some contouring blush, cause you’ll have no natural shadows in a dark neon lit strip club. I highly recommend looong fake lashes and lots of lip gloss.

You’ll need a stripper outfit. You can find cheap ones on ebay. Depending on your area you might want to start out with booty shorts and a bikini top, or with a long gown. It’s (usually) okay to wear some nice 4″ heels your first day to make the money for stripper shoes When you get your strippa shoes, just put them on and wear them around your house until your used to them. If they’re slippery, put some non-skid stickies on the bottom of them.

Now you’re ready to find a club. What do the customers say about your local clubs (hint: “this clubs great, I got a £10 blow job” = very bad. “This club sucks none of the girls would sit and talk with me for free cause they were too busy doing dances” = very good). What do the other dancers say about it? Make a list of the clubs you want to check out, then call them and ask when the best time to come in and audition is. Also ask if you’ll be able to work the same night you audition (most places will say yes).

When you get to the club remember to be very confident. It’s okay to ask the other girls which outfit you should wear and stuff, but if you get nervous and start crying in the dressing room or need to get drunk to go onstage your first time you aren’t ready to do this and you will probably have a really bad experience. It’s sad but true that people will sense and exploit your weaknesses in this business.

Most clubs these days will not ask you to actually go onstage to audition. They will look at you in your street clothes (wear something nice that shows off your body a little bit), or look at you naked, and tell you if you’re hired. The exceptions, of course, are clubs where they care if you can dance on stage or not. If you have to audition on stage, tell the DJ what kind of music you like (don’t stress about it). When you go up just move veeery slooowly. Slow is sexy.

In some clubs stage dancing is just dancing, (which can mean that you do a little shimmy and boobie shake or that you get down on the floor and spread your legs for them to check out your tonsils from the wrong side, just depending on where you are). There are clubs where you wont actually make any money from your stage dance and will instead make your money on private dancers.

Whatever you do up there, if you do it slowly and with confidence, you’ll look great. Remember, when you’re naked, anything you do is perfect. It’s like a sociological law.

Posted on May 21st, 2009 by Chloe  |  No Comments »